Anger Management

I am not one to complain about how terrible I did in my exams. Oh wait. On second thought, I think I do that quite often. Let me rephrase it then. I am not one to go around spreading the anger inside of me. I don't want to hurt people. That's why I rather stay away from too many people when I am too angry. But the thing is, if I end up being alone, I'll probably hurt myself instead. You see, anger is not a good thing, especially for me. I'll get too blinded by it and result to violence. Only, I choose to hurt myself.

If you were ever in the same class as me before, especially in the last few years of high school, you might've caught a glimpse of me punching the notice boards in class before. That's one way of how I release stress. It's the easiest and fastest way for me to do so. There was one time I punched it so hard that my knuckles had bruises for a week or so. And of course, you could feel the dent in the board if you wanted to. There might be something wrong with me.

Sometimes the anger might just boil over which could be dangerous for anything I'm holding at that moment or things surrounding me. I often get the feeling to just break or bend something just to release some of the anger but of course, my conscience reminded me not to act rashly but think rationally.

My second healthier option to release my anger and stress is to play the piano. The songs I play would reflect my mood at that time. Often times, I would just slam the piano (but with legit chords and tune, not just noise) and keep banging it until I'm satisfied. However, this is not as efficient as pianos are not available everywhere. I would have to suppress my anger until them which might not be a good thing too.

So today I had an exam but due to the limited time given, most if not all of the students could not complete the paper. It's even more frustrating because it wasn't like I couldn't do it. It's just because the time given wasn't enough. I mean it doesn't even make sense. You want us to complete both subjective and objective in just an hour. At the very least, you could've made the MCQs a bit more theory based and not making them hard and expect us to calculate the answer for each question with the time you've given us. Even with the calculators, we're not machines. We can't just read once and automatically get what you're asking. I'm really fed up with it. Stats was supposed to be my favorite subject this sem. It was supposed to guarantee me the HD1 I desperately needed.

I'm thankful for Megan and Felicia for just being there for me after the exam. Who knows what I'll do if I end up alone. I'll probably start a fight somewhere. (Figuratively speaking. You know I won't. But I really wanted to though.) Through the journey back to the station, because of the constant conversation I had with Wen, my anger slowly faded away until it became a dull, numb feeling. Of course, I still am disappointed and frustrated but not so much at myself anymore, but at the unfairness of the exam.

Although some of my friends like to annoy me, kacau me, bully me, and have heated discussions with me, (you guys know who you are please #ineverdidjudgeyouguys) I would say the same for me. I know I might annoy both of you sometimes but I guess that's just how it is. Friendship is a two way thing. Thank you for tolerating my hyper-ness and craziness for this whole year. As the sem is coming to an end, it might very well be the last time I get to mess around with you guys. I'm really thankful and grateful for friends like you. Of course, there are other friends I'm grateful for too but for now, this post shall be dedicated to you two. Be thankful.

Ps: To the person who never stops having disputes with me even with petty little things, your #ineednewfriends can come into action when you no longer see me next year. :P Of course, I'll still virtually bug you through social media.

As for now, this is how feel like for the upcoming exams I still have, not to mention finals. Sigh...