Life's Journey with God

Have you ever experienced strong feelings of attraction for someone to the point it overwhelms you? In cases like this, I suppose the common way out is just to tell the person how you feel about them and then just bear the consequences whatever the response may be. But it never really dawned on me how much the burden transfers from me to the other person until a recent conversation with a friend. Upon confession, the feelings one might feel are anxiousness and worry while waiting for a response, disappointment, hurt and sadness if it’s not reciprocated, over the moon if the feelings are met with open arms. Let’s focus on the part where it’s not reciprocated. If we’re able to set ourselves up for disappointment and already mentally prepared for the worst case scenario, I don’t think the blow would be that bad. In fact, I think finally releasing all that pent up emotions and imaginary what if’s scenarios would present some form of relief. But how about the person on the receiving end? Th...

Take this as a follow up post from the last one. That was December 2024. Now it’s May 2025. Advent came and went. Christmas came and went. Lent came and went. Now we’re in Easter season. So did anything change? I honestly had hoped that my Lenten abstinence of social media and watching dramas would help me break the cycle of late nights and perhaps even borderline addiction. I knew I was bound to fail after the 40 days because at the back of my mind, I treated it as if it was a temporary pause, not a season to rewrite habits. Easter Monday came and I fell back into it instantaneously, catching up on all the episodes I missed, from night till early morning. There was guilt mixed in with the temporary feeling of happiness and pleasure. I kept asking for grace and for God to make a strong enough conviction on my heart for me to be able to completely cut this out of my life eventhough I knew it would not happen in that way simply because I chose to continue making the same choices everyday...

As I hit the lights and attempted to sleep last night at 2am, I found myself tossing and turning as thoughts kept popping up in my mind one after another, keeping me restless.  In the past few weeks / one month, I have been filling in my time after work to catch up on newly released GL series from Thailand. As I get more invested in the fandom and the lives of the actresses, I find myself once again intrigued and somewhat desiring a relationship, at least to just be able to experience what it feels like to have a special someone to care for and to be cared by. This is not to say that these types of shows trigger me to see a certain lack in my life as it is bound to happen even if I watch shows with heterosexual couples but only because it feels more relatable and hopeful for me in seeing two females get their happy ending. At the very least, even if it doesn't happen in my own life, I can still find some form of comfort and happiness in seeing these fictional couples overcome their...

Thomas Merton and The Dalai Lama pictured at Dharamsala, India in November of 1968. Why can we not be content with the secret gift of the happiness that God offers us, without consulting the rest of the world? Why do we insist, rather, on a happiness that is approved by the magazines and TV? Perhaps because we do not believe in a happiness that is given to us for nothing. We do not think we can be happy with a happiness that has no price tag on it. – Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander #84, published in 1966  Over the years I’ve come to understand a little better how joy differs from happiness. It is something that is not a causal effect of experience something in the moment. Being happy can often feel like that – a fleeting moment that I so anxiously want to hold on to and be in that moment forever because I don’t know when next I would feel that euphoric emotion again. Yet the joy which comes from the Lord is a much more stable rather than an erratic moment. It comes from a space w...

A few days ago, I was watching the Korean drama, Law School, and a particular case disturbed me and remained with me for some time. It was one on physical abuse and rape by the person whom the character loved and trusted. I felt a deep sense of injustice because I know that this is very real in the world we live in, and many women suffer from the pain, betrayal, humiliation, and the lack of believe of others. Tonight as I lay on my bed, I am reminded of all the times I have encountered some form of being sexually harassed and nothing was done about it. I also think of the sexual harassments that my mother, my sister, and my female cousin all went through during their younger days, yet none of us knew what to do about it then. According to AWAM, sexual harassment refers to an unwanted or unwelcome conduct that is sexual in nature, and may be committed physically, verbally, non-verbally, psychologically and/or visually, which may cause the person being harassed to feel humiliated, offend...

A short introductory plague of Merton (1915 - 1968) at the Thomas Merton Center Foundation. In our society, a society of business rooted in Puritanism, based on the pseudo-ethic of industriousness and thrift, to be rewarded by comfort, pleasure, and a good bank account, the myth of work is thought to justify an existence that is essentially meaningless and futile. There is, then, a great deal of busy-ness as people invent things to do when in fact there is very little to be done. Yet we are overt, whelmed with jobs, duties, tasks, assignments, “missions” of every kind. At every moment we are sent north, south, east, and west by the angels of business and art, poetry and politics, science and war, to the four corners of the universe to decide something, to sign something, to buy and sell. We fly in all directions to sell ourselves, thus justifying the absolute nothingness of our lives. The more we seem to accomplish, the harder it becomes to really dissimulate our trifling, and the only...