MAGIS-WYD Lisbon 2023
MAGIS // 22 - 31 July 2023
As I recollect my thoughts and memories of all that has taken place in my three weeks in Portugal, perhaps the most important and significant experience I would like to keep with me for years to come is the 6-days unique experience I had under the Faith and Spirituality category. When we initially registered for MAGIS, there was five categories which we could choose from, to be ranked according to our preferences: Arts & Culture, Ecology & Environment, Faith & Spirituality, Pilgrimage & Journey, and Service & Solidarity. Knowing myself to be quite a creative person who enjoys all forms of creative expression and exploration of cultures, I had initially selected Arts & Culture to be my top choice. I can't remember if Faith & Spirituality was placed as the second or third choice but nevertheless, that was what I got placed in along with four of my other teammates (we were split into two groups, with the other half going to Service & Solidarity).
I had no idea what to expect when the group first gathered (a total of 20 of us + a priest who was leading us) but I did know that we were going to be doing some form of dancing as the preparation email informed us to bring comfortable clothes. God surprised me because even though I did not get assigned to the experience I selected, He knew what would be more beneficial for me yet would also speak deeply to my heart. Day zero (I use this term because the program of the retreat had not started) itself was an amazing surprise as we were brought to this beautiful spiritual retreat house in Soutelo called the Casa da Torre. Mind you, I did not expect much as we were initially sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor of a school's gymnasium so this totally blew my mind. I felt like we were already going to be in for a treat! The awe and wonder of God's beauty through the works of men was really present.
Our retreat was led and guided by Padre Paulo Duarte, SJ, who is passionate in the topic of body and embodiment. You might not believe me but we actually did *just* breathing exercises on the first day. It might seem simple, but it was a necessary process and the anchor of something more to come. Being aware of our breathing helps us to get in touch with our whole selves, and in turn, we are able to process our feelings and the state of our bodies better. So often when we are in a rush, we forget to breathe (not literally but the awareness of our breath). Deep breathing has actually helped me in moments of anxiety previously, and I was reminded once again how important and powerful getting in touch with myself can help me in moments of anger, worry, and rush.
On the second day, one of the major exercises we did was a "catwalk" across the room while giving a look at the rest of the group midway. The fact that our bodies doesn't hide what we feel is real as we observe how there was initial fear and anxiousness to complete the activity as many of us were uncomfortable. Some wanted to get it done quickly so that walked fast, some were avoidant of the stares of the others. (Those that did that were asked to repeat the exercise.) Yet when we are able to get in touch with ourselves, knowing who we are and without giving importance for externalities, we were then able to take this walk with confidence, full of power. For me, this exercise brought awareness to the self, on how easy it was for me to care about what others think of me and having unnecessary worries (eg. what if my walk looks weird) that it took my focus away from enjoying the moment.
On the third day, we did a version of a trust exercise where we created a human corridor, ten on the left and ten on the right. Each took turn to close his/her eyes and allowed only the touch of the others guide him/her towards the end of the corridor. When I did this exercise, I realised I did not fully let go control i.e. I was still moving my legs on my own eventhough I wasn't prompted to. This is a reflection of the reality of my life where I often find it hard to let go 100% of control and responsibilities, whether to others or to God, especially when I know I have the capabilities to complete a certain task myself. There begins my reflection of control which will proceed to unfold itself the next few days.
At night, we had a chilled session with Father where he shared his vocation story. I remember this one question asked to him about whether he has experienced being in love before. His honest response about how even as priests, they experience the feeling of love and attraction, but what is important is to examine within, of where this desire is coming from, triggered something in me. It was a feeling of sorrow and anguish. That night, I went to the chapel to have alone time with Jesus as I asked Him why my SSA struggles would be brought up here, out of nowhere. I cried as I poured out my heart to Him, allowing Him to just hold me in His presence and love me. It was yet another healing step in my journey as I came into recognition that the struggle to not have someone physical to love is not present just for people with SSA but also religious priests and nuns. Of course, this was not new to me, but it just hit me at a deeper level then, that there are so many men and women who chose a greater Love instead and I can do that too. As Fr. Mike reminds us often in his CIY podcast, "love always entails sacrifice".
On the fourth day, connecting with the gospel reflection of the day on where the seed can and cannot grow on, we did a symbolism exercise using stones to represent the things/people/situations that impedes us from growing in our faith, and the prompt was to make peace with them and overcome them by crossing over the respective stones. When I collected the stones, I thought I knew what each would symbolise but as I immersed myself into the exercise and asked God to bring up whatever obstacles that was standing in the way of our relationship, what came up was self lies of not being loved, of not being good enough, and lastly, of wanting to take control of my life's direction. I heard God speaking to me, asking me this: "Will you follow Me to paradise?". As I worked through my emotions and plucked the courage to surrender all control of my life, of my insecurities and shortcomings, of the gifts and talents He has granted me with, of the desires of my heart, I felt an immense sense of peace knowing that He will guide me and reveal to me great things that even I cannot fathom. The prayer of the Suscipe by St. Ignatius of Loyola came to mind then, and for the first time in my life, I could pray it with absolute sincerity and trust in my good, good Father.
By the fifth day, we were already wrapping up on all the inner work that we've done and so we redid some of the major exercises again for two reasons, (i) so that the MAGIS communications team could take some photos, and (ii) to see the difference in how we carry ourselves through some form of transformation over the past few days. The openness and vulnerability of everyone helped us to grow even closer despite only spending less than a week with each other. I will forever treasure this experience.
World Youth Day // 1 - 6 August 2023
So many things happened during World Youth Day that it'd be tough to recap. So what I'll do is share the faces I met throughout the experience! The parts I remember the most? The massive crowds, long waiting times, and lengthy (and painful) walks. Ok, no, that would make it sound like it was a bad experience. It was actually quite an enjoyable one - I met speakers I never thought I'll be able to since they're from the other side of the world, I experienced really great praise and worship led by very gifted singers and musicians at The Change, I made new friends, I experienced the unity of the Catholic Church in the 1.5 million youths present during the Papal mass and the goosebump moment of silence with the Blessed Eucharist was lifted up during the vigil.
I recently saw an Instagram post about how this girl went to WYD Madrid 2011 as a youth and went back to WYD Lisbon 2023 as a nun. It was so beautiful how she placed the pictures side by side in comparison, and how in the span of 12 years, God can change something good to something even more beautiful. Here's the hope that as I look forward to World Youth Day Korea 2027 (so glad it's finally coming back to Asia again), I may remain faithful in where God is calling me towards and be not afraid to follow Him totally, leaving my nets behind.
Comments
Post a Comment