Log 11: It's Been 2 Weeks Since


(Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye)

I think this is a very powerful article in which Harris says that it's up to us (our choice) to feed the imagination and let our minds wander, create lustful thoughts even and misusing someone emotionally. It definitely doesn't help to continuously think about the person we're attracted to and constantly talk about this person because what we're doing is just building this image of this person and it almost seems like he/she is all there is, that he/she is perfect.

I think this is really apt in my case. I personally experience most of what is said above in the article. Having been attracted to a co-worker on the first day of work is definitely something that is based on looks or rather, something very shallow because there is no other plausible cause in liking someone without talking to this person, let alone getting to know this person. And the more I thought about it, I realize that yes, I have made this person into this perfect girl to date, that her traits just makes it all the more attractive and really, just shrouding my rational judgement with the emotional ride I was going through.

Having her not here for 2 weeks (as she is on a holiday), I realize that infatuation, as strong as it is at that moment, fades quickly without feeding it any fuel to continue. Sure I may still have attraction towards her but what is important is, I decided to steer my thoughts away from her. And day by day, it is easier to break down this feeling, to understanding what exactly is this: is it just a mere idea of a fantasy, or is it really something more deep down. I think something as complex as love needs time and effort to really form the true meaning of it, not just some fabricated idea that is portrayed by the media. When lust takes over love, it is when it becomes distorted, that physical needs overshadow the emotional needs.

Watching Fr. Mike's session reminded me once again that the decisions I make is what is/isn't helping me to move forward from this place I'm stuck in. Do I really want God to help me, to lift up all my feelings of attraction to Him (even if it brings me happiness)? As Father Mike says, most people aren't able to give everything up even if they ask Jesus to change their lives. It goes back to behaviour modification where it's more of "Jesus I want you to transform me but not the deepest darkest parts of me" rather than really allowing Him to transform your lives.
"Do not be conformed by this age but be transformed by the renewal of mind."
Some good reflection questions from him is this:
What is the entertainment you feed yourself? How do you feed yourself? Because we're going to be conformed to whatever we inform ourselves. If I feed myself garbage, that's all I'm going to have.

I need to trust that He understands me better than myself, that He wants what is best for me even if I may not think so. And so, as much as I like or want to take matters into my own hands, to find or be with someone, I really shouldn't let my feelings of loneliness or the want of instant gratification to propel me to push Him away.

~

Reflection Questions
• Am I scrambling to find a romantic relationship with someone by dating?
• Am I cluttering my life with needless complications and worries of dating?
• Am I serving God during my season of singleness or throwing it away?
• What am I feeding myself with? Am I truly content and happy?
But to be on a diet means I replace my meals for healthier options which I know will help me achieve my aim.

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