Dignity of Life

I realized how little I've turned to blogging now that I keep a personal prayer journal. Yet knowing I have a space to just write is nice and that's probably why I still keep this.

It's 2018 and by now, many people would have already understand how deadly things like mental health and prejudices/out-casting certain people from society can lead people to suicide. To understand is to really put yourself beneath the circumstances of what that person is going through.

I'm probably not really articulating anything anymore at this point but my point is, people need to see the importance of life. Whenever young people ask , "What is life?", I get tongue-tied. It's not because I don't know the answer. It's because the answer varies from one person to the other. Hence, even if I try to convince people the value of their lives and how we each have the power to make something of it, many just don't see the point.

As much as I have gone down the spiral of depression and having anxiety attacks every now and then, my life still very much matter. Your happiness is dependent on you to find it. How I find the joy that fuels me on is through this amazing God I have that is very much real through many different ways - people and experiences.

Bad days and down days doesn't go beyond me. Like everyone, I still get them. Yet what's beautiful is the presence of His never ending merciful love and the offer for me to go before Him for reconciliation is never taken away from me. Jesus never stops pursuing me and He will never stop pursuing you, my brothers and sisters.

Though I do not know my life vocation, I do know that I am called to be loving and kind, faithful and striving for holiness every day that I have on this Earth. We each have been given the gift of freedom and the power to use our lives to do anything yet what frustrates me is that there are still so much evil in this world. Why can't people see the good in every single person and see beyond the social stigmas and stereotypes that has been attached to them? There may be circumstances that we do not understand that brought them to that very place.

Many are fighting for the lowly, for the poor, for those that have been pushed aside and deemed useless by society but not enough. What is the use of holding on to the riches of the world when so many are dying by the second, so many hearts hardened to see the cry for help in these souls?

I want to help. I want to see people for who they really are inside, who God has created each of them by His intricate design. I want to let go of everything and live a life of detachment from things of this world and actually getting to know the struggles of the different people, to truly listen to their cries of help. But every time, I come to this roadblock of not knowing how to take the first big step. Yet I am assured that the little things I am doing to honour humanity and God's creation do make a difference. After all, one drop creates a ripple.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me. But know this, many things have happened for me to arrive at this point. I wouldn't say I am wiser but I definitely would say that I've learnt to see beyond myself compared to my younger self 5 years ago. Heck, even a year ago, I was on a different kind of rollercoaster of a journey.

When I first experienced the greatest struggle (yet) of my (still ongoing) life of coming to terms with having same-sex attraction, I was constantly going off the track and having to backtrack when I thought I was safely back on the road towards God. Even now, this remains one of my biggest cross to carry. Not because having attractions towards girls is something to be ashamed of, it's because of how ashamed I feel inside for succumbing to temptations to use these God created souls for the pleasures of my mind.

When I see each person just by their dignity and worth, I am able to see how God must look upon all of us and whether or not we have done bad things in our lives, it doesn't change the fact that we are all His children. And when I hurt someone, I know I'm hurting Him in the process too.

Promptings from today's gospel reading had me feeling very emotional and when I am emotional, I tend to start writing because it records the many emotions and thoughts that goes through my mind all at once.

I doubt many will read this and I'm probably afraid people will too but I am certain that if anyone does, it comes with a reason. Have a spirit filled day, you, who is reading this.

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