Discerning Vocation: Two Voices

This is my second post reflecting on the writings of Henri Nouwen. I enjoy reading his writings because they are intimate, real and honest. It allows me to have a glimpse of what he went through during his life, and the journey he's had. This particular section, though I have not finished the chapter, is profound for me in my current season and I would like to store it for memory.

Here I will quote his writing taken from the book Discernment, pages 97 to 99:

"What is God calling me to do? Where is God calling me to go? Where do I belong? 

"From the beginning, two inner voices have been speaking to me: one the says "Make something of your life, find a good career," and one that says, "Be sure you stay close to the heart of Jesus, never lose touch with your vocation." There was a struggle, a tension there.

"Early in life, I pleased my father and mother immensely by studying, then teaching, then becoming somewhat well known by going to Notre Dame, Yale, and Harvard. I pleased a lot of people by doing so and also pleased myself.

"But somewhere on the way up, I wondered if I was still in touch with my vocation. I began noticing this when I found myself speaking to thousands of people about humility and at the same time, wondering what they were thinking of me. I didn't feel peaceful. Actually, I felt lonely. I didn't know where I belonged.

""What does God want from me?" is a question we all ask, not once and for all but throughout our lives. What I tell others who ask this question, and remind myself with surprising conviction is this: "God has a very special role for you to fulfill. God wants you to stay close to his heart and to let him guide you. You will know what you are called to do when you have to know it." 

"New vocations are full of promise. There is a hidden treasure to discover."

---

Recently, I opened up another blog over at my old website which contains a bunch of my old university works. It's always quite fun to look back at those projects and relish in those exciting, stressful memories. The emotions that remains are only those of the good ones. It's funny how most of the time, I move and grow from past experiences that may have been bad but only look back to see the good. I guess it's because I know I've grown from it and if looked deeper, there were plenty of good in it too. 

My decision to apply for mission school has been refreshing, uplifting and peaceful. These past few weeks has been filled with plenty of His grace as I continue working on my identity, on my relationship with Him and relationship with others.

I also spoke to Sister Angeline about my interest and desire to explore the convent. It wasn't as nerve wrecking as I expected it to be and she definitely took the time to explain a lot more about the religious order + FMM's charisms. There is also the possibility of entering into different congregation overseas if one really feels called to it. I think I would really want to give it a chance to stay with the sisters when the RMO/MCO is over. Imagining living a simple life is really something else. 

All in all, I really like how Nouwen puts it that vocations are always promising and we will know what to do when we have to know it. God sets the time and space for that to happen. We just need to listen and answer.

Recently put up a new episode on my 'This Is Living Now' podcast titled discernment:

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