Reflection of My Image of God

1/7/2020

I decided to move away from daily reflection posts this week and write something else here. This week, we are exploring the personhood of God the Father. It starts with understanding how we view this God so that we can fix the false image and voice of God. Even though this isn't my first time exploring my false images of God, I actually spent many hours to reflect during the activity. While listening to the sharing, there were also areas that were revealed to me that brought back memories of past hurts.

Some areas of hurt that were brought up reminded me of the times when I was feeling small as if I was one of the many in the crowd, not being important, fear of disappointing others and not meeting their expectations. This false image of God being disinterested in me, that I have nothing to offer, stems from the negative experiences I went through during my childhood which has instilled in me the need to do more, paired with the need to achieve a certain standard of perfection in order to stand out and be acknowledged. My wrong image of God says that I have to do things for God in order to gain His love (in a sense I have no choice).

It has also affected how I view myself and my relationship with others. I still find myself needing to do and say the 'right' thing because I put my worth in the words and response of other people instead of God. This correction of the distorted search for love and acceptance have been a continuous work in progress by God. He has affirmed me over the years that He is definitely interested in me, that there is nothing I need to do to gain His love, and that He wants me to be happy with the freedom of choice. I know in my head that I am loved and accepted by the Father but it definitely is a process to rewrite the lies and half truths that remain in my heart subconsciously.

In today's worship, the Lord has already begun this healing process as He gazed deep into my soul, I felt His love and mercy fill me up. I also saw a scene where I was a child again, laughing and dancing with genuine joy before God, and I heard Him say to me, "Be free. Let go. I am here," with the gentle voice of a Father.

God is my loving Father. I am His beloved and precious daughter.
God is interested in me. I am fully known, fully loved and fully accepted.
God is my constant companion. I am never alone.
God is freedom. I am free to respond.

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