Saviour Complex, Perhaps?

Have you ever noticed anyone having a saviour complex? 

“A savior complex, or white knight syndrome, describes this need to “save” people by fixing their problems. If you have a savior complex, you might: only feel good about yourself when helping someone, believe helping others is your purpose, or expend so much energy trying to fix others that you end up burning out.” (Raypole, 2020; Healthline)

It occurred to me that I might have once felt that way, especially when looking back at some of the people I naturally navigated to back in university. They were not necessarily weak nor in situations that needed “saving” but there was just something in me that felt like I needed to be the person they relied on. If I could put a word to it, it was excessive protection.

This dichotomy reflects what I really felt inside at that time, of wanting someone who can protect me and care for me, but on the outside, I acted as if I could be that person for others.

Some of my past is really cringey and should be buried away so that I don’t remember it ever happening. Without realising, I had actually tried so hard to obtain love and approval I thought I was lacking. From seeking attention from seniors, to breaking emotional boundaries, I was in a mess.

This whole phase of my life also explains why I was overtly extroverted back then, and feeling much more comfortable being alone now. It’s interesting how it took me this long to assess my actions and realize the issues I didn’t know I had back then. 

Anyway, just wanted to pen down this short thought process at the end of 2020. I thank God for the journey this year. Truths remained the same but what changed is how they became my truths. Everything in life just sort of make sense now, even if I don’t fully comprehend it.