Reflection on the Way Forward!

30/8/2020

Today marks the end of the lecture phase of the School, with the topic of the week being 'discernment' (which is quite apt to equip us in moving forward). After 10 weeks of in-depth teachings from the foundations of our faith of understanding who the Trinitarian God is, to how we live out our true identity, I am truly grateful to be in this space of growth, openness and deeper love with God. I cannot imagine where I would end up being if the Spirit hadn't been so clear to get me to send in my application (He literally had to give a big and clear sign for me to get it) in the first half of this year where I seemed to be losing my way.

If I had to summarize my breakthroughs throughout the past weeks, it would have to be these few things:
(i) a deeper understanding of God's love that is no longer on the head level or even the heart, but rather it's as if my soul has been set aflame by Him — it's an ecstasy of Love ❤
(ii) being able to connect and have a dialogue with God through prayer and scriptures 📖
(iii) freedom and peace from what I've allowed myself to be chained down by for the longest time (some of which are worrying about what to do with my life, having excessive anxiety and worry for the future, having to meet the expectations of self and others, etc.) 🌟
(iv) seeing myself as a gift and capable for big things (although still a work-in-progress, I'm claiming this everyday!) 🎁

From this week's learning, there is a saying by St. Ignatius that I really love: it is not a process of discernment but to be a "person of discernment". I really want to live this life of discernment, in responding to God and living out my true self everyday. I love the analogy of life like puzzle pieces, each piece having their own unique and intended shape and space. There are two ways to see this: (i) there is an exterior picture that guides us when we work on the puzzle, and (ii) the puzzle pieces make sense on their own because it reveals where they are supposed to fit. Discernment is just like that, it is both an exterior and interior process which leads us closer to the finished picture day by day.

Yet, discernment also requires us to be in a space of spiritual indifference (St. Ignatius explains it as the capacity to let go of what doesn't help me to love God and others, while staying engaged with what does), away from either extremes of fear or of exuberant joy. Most people I know think that by following where God is leading them, they will encounter lots of difficulty and hardships. Father Jacques Philippe once said, "How many people hesitate to give their lives entirely to God because they do not have confidence that God is capable of making them completely happy."

I want to propose that we look at this in a different way. Freedom is something we all want. In fact, it is propagated by Hollywood so often but as a distorted version of it: it is having any and all choices open for an individual but what people don't realize is that this causes the person to forever remain stuck at the crossroads without moving towards something, whereas Christianity explains that freedom is rather the ability to do good which frees us. There is always freedom in following Christ and only He can lead us to become closer to who He made us to be, our perfect self like Him.

In this freedom, there is also responsibility to be taken. The word 'responsibility' can be looked at as 'response' 'able', in other words, it is the ability to respond. This is very important in discernment because when we put in the effort to build up certain abilities we have, people will naturally entrust us with more of those responsibilities. Similarly, when we remain faithful in the small things, God will entrust to us greater things. Remember that we are free to respond to God's call because He has made us able. "Man cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself." (Gaudium et Spes #24)

In everything, we are called to live out our call from baptism and confirmation to go into the world and spread the Good News. This mission is done through our individual apostolate, which is explained in CCC 864 as "every activity of the Body that aims to spread the Kingdom of God". Every activity here means that we move out of Church, and go into our workplace, family, society, etc. to be a living presence of Christ. Each of us (the laity) have a special obligation to carry out the temporal order, which are "the good things of life and the prosperity of the family, culture, economic matters, the arts and professions, the laws of the political community, international relations, and other matters of this kind" (Apostolicam Actuositatem #7).

As Catholic citizens, we have a part to play in building a virtuous and just society. No matter where we are living out our vocational calling, we can each build communities that are rooted in God's love. We are called to be leaven for the world, "to work for the sancitification of the world from within. In this way, they (we) may make Christ known to others, especially by the testimony of life resplendent in faith, hope and charity." (Lumen Gentium #31, Vatican Council II)

Perhaps I'll just end with one question in regards to discernment: are we clinging on to what God has given us, or are we clinging on to God who gives us all these things? Being a disciple of Christ (not just a believer) is to also live a life of detachment, knowing that what He gives is usually for a reason in a particular season.