Journey to the Inner Self

3/8/2020

One common question that is often asked is "what is the meaning of life", yet behind that question lies a greater one: "who am I?" Because to find the purpose is to first know the identity of who we are. Thomas Merton explains that "at the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and illusion – a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God. This point is the pure glory of God in us. It is like a pure diamond and is in everybody."

What is stopping us from discovering this pure, immortal diamond?
We often find ourselves hiding behind masks and hiding our true self because of shame, because of lies that we are not good enough, because of the need to fit into the expectations of others. Our natural coping mechanism that comes from the lack of love and affirmation is one that makes us hide our true self from its full capabilities. As Richard Rohr says, we have a "human temptation to run from and deny not just the divine presence, but our own true selves that is our souls, our inner destiny, our true identity."

In Theology of the Body, we learn that the body is good and that it is super important as in CCC 1015, it says that "the flesh is the hinge of salvation". We believe in God who is creator of flesh, we believe in the Word made flesh in order to redeem the flesh, and we believe in the resurrection of the flesh which is the fulfillment of both the creation and redemption of the flesh.

Our bodies are designed to reflect who God is and who we are. "The human body shares in the dignity of the image of God: it is animated by a spiritual soul, and it is the whole human person that is intended to become a temple of the Spirit" (CCC 364). Yet just like mining for a diamond, we must dig deep to find our true selves in which we know who we are and whose we are.

How do I make sense of the being and doing?
This diagram is something Derek used to explain how everything is connected and how our behaviours flow from the core of our being which is self-identity and God's identity in our lives. It can be used to evaluate from the outside in, or vice versa of inside out, depending on what phase of life we are in.

Too often we ask ourselves what should I do in my life, but not spending enough time reflecting on the inner being. I have also been there, not knowing how to move forward and feeling utterly lost. This is where reflection on the identity comes in. I will attempt to do an example using this diagram:

God is my Good Shepherd, the one that always accompanies me on my journey. I am loved, accepted and provided for. Because of that, I can in turn journey with others and love them for who they are. My goal is to create a small community where I live so that young people may find a safe space to journey towards Christ.

My guiding principles are that I will honour the space of everyone and will not force teachings on them if they are not ready to receive it. I feel excited and open to be able to do life with others. My interactions with others is one that comes from a place of genuine concern and love.

Something Derek also shared is that our behavior can sometimes look good but if we really look inwards, we might still find a distorted image of self. We need to be conscious of the 'who am I' that is doing the action, the identity of self, instead of just looking at the 'what am I doing' so as to avoid getting lost in the actions. When we keep responding to who we are, fear will eventually give way.

How can I discover my true self?
Because of brokenness and imperfection of humanity, we have grown up with many past experiences that has caused us to believe certain lies about ourselves. Many of these hurts come from childhood (ages 0-12) and we want to be able to bring it to light for God to heal them. Bringing it to light can come in the form of sharing it with a group of well-trusted people, with a counselor, or with a priest. Healing often comes from the other. We can't do it alone.

Some of the blockages that are listed below are those that we can see in ourselves and others which shows itself as a form of externalization from the brokenness within.

• Blaming — The action of discharging anger, pain and discomfort at someone who we identify as strongest or weakest in our lives. Blaming loses the opportunity for vulnerability and accountability.
• Guilt — Putting blame on ourselves can often lead to self-pity, self-hatred, inferiority, insecurity and/or failure.
• Critical — Being over critical causes us to see only the negative side of things.
• Competitive — Feeling the need to overpower the other and being the center of attention.
• Controlling — The need to have control often relates to a wrong placement of self worth in others.
• Superior — Needing the final say, the position of authority to feel secure.
• Manipulative — Can come in the form of emotional manipulation such as the silent treatment.

We need to set clear boundaries for ourselves with those around us so that it allows space for both sides to learn and grow. Having good boundaries means learning a balance of attachment and separation. When boundaries aren't clear, we might have a crisis in our identity because of the loss of control of self, unclear responsibility and constant intrusion to our growth.

When boundaries aren't set, our relationships can become one of co-dependency where we need the other to survive. Relationships like this often involves jealousy, possessiveness, exclusivity, becoming irrationally angry or depressed when this person withdraws slightly, unable to see the other's faults realistically, constantly preoccupied with this person, having the need to include this person in all my plans, speaking on behalf of the other, and being defensive about the relationship.

The shift from co-dependency to inter-dependency is a journey of being stuck to being free. Having good boundaries help us to see choices in all things, and from that, being able to be of service of the other with freedom.