Log 7: Post Camp

And just like that, a 4-days camp is coming to an end. I realize that though I might have said that I was coming in without any expectation but in fact, I did. I needed to search something so much more with this identity of mine, to realize that I have SSA, to find God and myself amidst all these. 

What struck me in this camp was not the sessions because it went so much more beyond that. Sure it made me realize things and had to reevaluate my relationship with others and how I've been acting but more than that, I realize that I've been trying to find a certain type of acceptance for awhile now. For the church or someone to tell me yeah, it's fine. Be who you are and do what makes you happy. But what Amanda said struck me. There are many types of love and without realizing how much of phileo (friendship love) I actually have in my life, the only thing I was focusing on was eros (romantic love) and it causes me to not be able to accept fully the love that is given to me.

Speaking to many different people about this also causes me to ask for different opinions and advice which isn't helpful. It actually causes more confusion and with that, I might end up searching more and more for what I want to hear, something that strikes a right chord in me. I guess it really is a process to see all these and what is it I am doing. I am really grateful to be able to talk to these people especially Amanda who has been there since the first step. For never judging but loving me with love and for that I'm really grateful. 

To cross the bridge between the heart and the mind can be difficult but I believe I will find a way and to move beyond that with both heart and mind in unison. I will make it a point to put more importance on strengthening this relationship with God first before any other relationship comes in. I may not have truly find myself deeply rooted in Christ yet and fully believing that my identity is found in Him but I know that with His strength and His grace, I am able to continue on with this journey of mine with which only I can take on.



Through this camp also I've felt so loved and cared for and these really are my live-giving friends. My love and gratitude for them is immense and these are truly people that are God sent. I believe it was worth it to take some time away from my life back home even in the midst of exams because I've definitely discovered something more about myself and a clearer road ahead. Thank you Lord Jesus.

Dated: 12 December 2016

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