Life's Journey with God

I am not one to complain about how terrible I did in my exams. Oh wait. On second thought, I think I do that quite often. Let me rephrase it then. I am not one to go around spreading the anger inside of me. I don't want to hurt people. That's why I rather stay away from too many people when I am too angry. But the thing is, if I end up being alone, I'll probably hurt myself instead. You see, anger is not a good thing, especially for me. I'll get too blinded by it and result to violence. Only, I choose to hurt myself. If you were ever in the same class as me before, especially in the last few years of high school, you might've caught a glimpse of me punching the notice boards in class before. That's one way of how I release stress. It's the easiest and fastest way for me to do so. There was one time I punched it so hard that my knuckles had bruises for a week or so. And of course, you could feel the dent in the board if you wanted to. There might be somethin...

What's the use of giving my all when I know it isn't good enough? What's the point of fighting so hard when the light at the end of the tunnel seems so dim? I might as well just succumb to pressure and fall into a pit of darkness. What is left when all hopes are crushed, when all dreams are squandered? I am suppose to achieve the standard you've set for me but yet I fail to do so. You could say I've tried my best. Yes. But does that make me feel any better? No. Because my best isn't good enough for the world. My best means nothing if it isn't your standard of “best". Scoff. I would like to laugh right now if I could. But all that's coming out is tears, as if my heart is bleeding. I can't stop them from flowing because I'm internally devastated. How can I feel good when I've let you down? How can you console me when I myself cannot accept the mistakes I've done? Oh, how I wish I could go back in time. Come to think of it, ...

Last week have been one of the most hectic week yet. From Penang, to Sungai Lembing, to Alex Goot and Against the Current's round table discussion, and concert. For once, I can really say that I didn't waste my time. This break have been quite productive, I would say. :) To elaborate further, I went to Georgetown, Penang with my friends, Charmaine and Xueh Wei, on Sunday. We were there for three days. I have been to Georgetown for a lot of times now. More frequently was twice last year and once this year. Even though I'm not born or raised in Penang, I kind of know my way around it now. So it's cool how I can bring my friends around Georgetown like a tour guide. Also, I now know I can read maps like a pro. Chehhhhh... :P From right: Charmaine, Wei and I The evening view of Georgetown. Incidentally, they were having GTF (Georgetown Festival) while we were there so it was cool. Walking around the town, we got to see projects which were part of GTF. We saw ho...

As time past, the people you mix yourself with are bound to change. Your horizon broadens. Your view of the world changes. People may come and go in your life but true friends, they stay forever. No matter how little you see them, or how Lady Luck is never on your side, making it seem impossible to spend some time with them, they still manage to keep in touch with you and you with them. They still remember to wish you for birthdays and important dates. But even when they don't, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have forgotten about you. If you look through your life from the day since you were born, weren't you always surrounded by people? Be it your parents, your uncles and aunts, your cousins, your friends, or even your neighbors! Even when you're alone with no one around, you still have the big man, God, by your side. So it's safe to say that no one has truly been alone before. Life is like that. We need people that care about us in life. We need company. A...

Time passes by so quick. Again, the end is here. Give me a mental kick. Why does it seem so near? Here I go again. Little things makes me tick. When things seem to be in vain, I cry and feel so weak. Finals! I'm coming for you. Along with my great pals, We're sure to dominate you. No challenge too great, No challenge too far. Just level your head, You're sure to reach your goal!

So midterms has just ended. No break for us as usual. Just going back to college like any other day. It feels to me like although I have so many friends, none really care much about me. I mean I know I have some good friends but I don't think I'll ever have one that really understands me. One that I can share everything to. One that I can really call best friend forever - an inseparable one at that. So here I am, waiting for that one person. Many have come close before but once we were no longer in the same class or we no longer got to see each other everyday, that closeness began to grew wider till we drifted apart. I guess the reason why I'm sounding so sad and inflicting self-pity on myself is because my birthday is coming soon and no one seems to realize it. They don't take the first step to ask if whether I'm free or ajak me out to celebrate. Okay. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I just want it to be special; to be able to spend it with my friends would...

Seeing how much fun my friend had while being a BRAT made me want to join as well. So I send in my application. Tbh, I didn't think I could make it through. Imo, my essay was just meh. But somehow, a month later, I got the email saying I got chosen. I was so happy I felt like I was on cloud nine.. That was until my parents said NO. That was all it took. I came crashing down to earth. No matter how hard I tried to persuade my dad, he wouldn't let me. I know he's just being worried. But, as an 18 year old kid, I'm pretty sure I could handle taking the train and taxi by myself though I'm not sure how safe a taxi in Malaysia would be. Also, skipping 3 days of college isn't that bad. I know how important studies are. I'll be equally worried if I can't catch up on my studies. Either way, I kinda lost hope after that long conversation with my dad, trying to convince him to let me go. That night, I prayed to God, praying that He could make my parents say yes, p...