Life's Journey with God

I am not one to complain about how terrible I did in my exams. Oh wait. On second thought, I think I do that quite often. Let me rephrase it then. I am not one to go around spreading the anger inside of me. I don't want to hurt people. That's why I rather stay away from too many people when I am too angry. But the thing is, if I end up being alone, I'll probably hurt myself instead. You see, anger is not a good thing, especially for me. I'll get too blinded by it and result to violence. Only, I choose to hurt myself. If you were ever in the same class as me before, especially in the last few years of high school, you might've caught a glimpse of me punching the notice boards in class before. That's one way of how I release stress. It's the easiest and fastest way for me to do so. There was one time I punched it so hard that my knuckles had bruises for a week or so. And of course, you could feel the dent in the board if you wanted to. There might be somethin

What's the use of giving my all when I know it isn't good enough? What's the point of fighting so hard when the light at the end of the tunnel seems so dim? I might as well just succumb to pressure and fall into a pit of darkness. What is left when all hopes are crushed, when all dreams are squandered? I am suppose to achieve the standard you've set for me but yet I fail to do so. You could say I've tried my best. Yes. But does that make me feel any better? No. Because my best isn't good enough for the world. My best means nothing if it isn't your standard of “best". Scoff. I would like to laugh right now if I could. But all that's coming out is tears, as if my heart is bleeding. I can't stop them from flowing because I'm internally devastated. How can I feel good when I've let you down? How can you console me when I myself cannot accept the mistakes I've done? Oh, how I wish I could go back in time. Come to think of it,

Last week have been one of the most hectic week yet. From Penang, to Sungai Lembing, to Alex Goot and Against the Current's round table discussion, and concert. For once, I can really say that I didn't waste my time. This break have been quite productive, I would say. :) To elaborate further, I went to Georgetown, Penang with my friends, Charmaine and Xueh Wei, on Sunday. We were there for three days. I have been to Georgetown for a lot of times now. More frequently was twice last year and once this year. Even though I'm not born or raised in Penang, I kind of know my way around it now. So it's cool how I can bring my friends around Georgetown like a tour guide. Also, I now know I can read maps like a pro. Chehhhhh... :P From right: Charmaine, Wei and I The evening view of Georgetown. Incidentally, they were having GTF (Georgetown Festival) while we were there so it was cool. Walking around the town, we got to see projects which were part of GTF. We saw ho

As time past, the people you mix yourself with are bound to change. Your horizon broadens. Your view of the world changes. People may come and go in your life but true friends, they stay forever. No matter how little you see them, or how Lady Luck is never on your side, making it seem impossible to spend some time with them, they still manage to keep in touch with you and you with them. They still remember to wish you for birthdays and important dates. But even when they don't, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have forgotten about you. If you look through your life from the day since you were born, weren't you always surrounded by people? Be it your parents, your uncles and aunts, your cousins, your friends, or even your neighbors! Even when you're alone with no one around, you still have the big man, God, by your side. So it's safe to say that no one has truly been alone before. Life is like that. We need people that care about us in life. We need company. A

Time passes by so quick. Again, the end is here. Give me a mental kick. Why does it seem so near? Here I go again. Little things makes me tick. When things seem to be in vain, I cry and feel so weak. Finals! I'm coming for you. Along with my great pals, We're sure to dominate you. No challenge too great, No challenge too far. Just level your head, You're sure to reach your goal!

So midterms has just ended. No break for us as usual. Just going back to college like any other day. It feels to me like although I have so many friends, none really care much about me. I mean I know I have some good friends but I don't think I'll ever have one that really understands me. One that I can share everything to. One that I can really call best friend forever - an inseparable one at that. So here I am, waiting for that one person. Many have come close before but once we were no longer in the same class or we no longer got to see each other everyday, that closeness began to grew wider till we drifted apart. I guess the reason why I'm sounding so sad and inflicting self-pity on myself is because my birthday is coming soon and no one seems to realize it. They don't take the first step to ask if whether I'm free or ajak me out to celebrate. Okay. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I just want it to be special; to be able to spend it with my friends would

Seeing how much fun my friend had while being a BRAT made me want to join as well. So I send in my application. Tbh, I didn't think I could make it through. Imo, my essay was just meh. But somehow, a month later, I got the email saying I got chosen. I was so happy I felt like I was on cloud nine.. That was until my parents said NO. That was all it took. I came crashing down to earth. No matter how hard I tried to persuade my dad, he wouldn't let me. I know he's just being worried. But, as an 18 year old kid, I'm pretty sure I could handle taking the train and taxi by myself though I'm not sure how safe a taxi in Malaysia would be. Also, skipping 3 days of college isn't that bad. I know how important studies are. I'll be equally worried if I can't catch up on my studies. Either way, I kinda lost hope after that long conversation with my dad, trying to convince him to let me go. That night, I prayed to God, praying that He could make my parents say yes, p

Wow! It has been forever since I last posted. Time sure do pass quickly. My sem break was not bad. Quite well spent, actually. I went to Japan for a short holiday, got to spend time with my high school friends, just laze around at home, watching movies and anime. :) So anyway, let's talk about Japan. I went to Kyoto and a one day side trip to Osaka. It was cold there. My lips cracked and there was blood. -.- A piece of advice: Never forget to bring lip balm to a cold country. Enough talk, time for some pictures to do the talking. ;) Dotonburi! The most famous night street in Osaka. Vending machines used to buy tickets to exchange for food~ Ebisubashi-suji street.. Also famous for shopping! Kendo! I've always wanted to try... Hmm, maybe next time. Doesn't this jellyfish looks so alike a cucumber? Buses and trains that we frequently took. Not to mention subways too! Food there is just AH-MAY-ZING. <3 I guess that's all I'll post. Too lazy to upload mor

I don't know why I feel this way these few days. It's like I'm happy but then suddenly I'll feel sad inside. Or anxious.. Or worried. Hmmm... :/ Anyway, I got a new phone. :D Lenovo 650. At first on Mudah.my, they said it's only rm399. That's crazy cheap but I knew there was a catch to it. ): (Thing is, I only got to know about it when I went all the way to KL to buy it.) According to them, it is only applicable if I buy it tgt with the case & screen protector. So total now it is rm449. Then the seller said the warranty is just for service, not the hardware & software. In the end I paid rm 520 for the phone. Not sure if it was worth it but I'm quite happy with this phone. :) That's all from me today. Tmrw I hv oral presentation. I'm scared I'll forget what to say. /.\ Oh well... Just hoping for the best. *fingers crossed*

Such a long day today. Helping out at education fairs are fun but without good friends being there with you, it will get lonely and boring. I am blessed for having known so many people, be it seniors or people my own age. :) I find marketing fun. I mean I really get pumped up when sharing or taking about something I like or I know. Like when people was enquiring about business programmes, I was happily explaining it to them. I kinda feel like taking marketing for my elective, but at the same time, I don't know if I should. Reason being I can speak in front of a small group but not in front of big crowds or important people. Also, I have some slight interest in Public Relations as well. Hmm... :/ Anyway, gonna steer away from the topic. I feel that through today's edu fair, I got to know Xueh Wei more. It feels like we've gotten a tad bit more closer. I'm glad she decided to share her problem(?) with me. Although my advice wasn't really that helpful - to me, that

Ngehehehehehehe... had so much fun in Study Skills class today. :D We had a challenge today and the losing team would have to do the lion dance. We were separated into 3 teams. The other two teams were named as 'Thor' and 'God'. We didn't know what to name ourselves so I asked Wai Zoong to give a name. He started saying Fffffffffff~ while thinking and my lecturer just decided to name us 'Ffff'. WHUUTTT... The whole class laughed their asses off including us. So anyway, our first challenge was finding as much ideas as we can from chapter 8 of the SS textbook. We were kinda lost so we began planning and discussing about who should do the drum sounds, the cymbals, the head of the lion and the butt. Yeah, we were already prepared to lose. :P BUT... we actually managed to get 90 points! 1st place, bro. The others had like 60 and 35 only. We were surprised but don't fret cause there's also a 2nd challenge. The second one was on APA formatting on in-text ci

Whooo~! Kay. So today Xueh Wei said I was her friend. Although not directly but still... Very happy. :D Hehehe, that's a (+) in my emotional bank account. It's so hard to have an emotional connection with someone. Most of my relationship with my friends are just on the surface. Meaning none of them really tells me what problems they have or just, you know, share stuff about themselves. I guess I don't too. :/ But at least I make the initiative to start a conversation first. Even if we had not seen each other in a while doesn't mean we have to grow apart. I'm just sad that those friends I actually care about or are more important than the others (not saying my other friends are not important) doesn't view me the same. I feel that I've been trying so hard to be closer to them but they don't do anything about it. I feel somehow that the time and emotion I invest in them are wasted. Still, I don't wanna give up. Even though I know I might never be someon

Why, oh why has Malaysia progressed backwards, not forward? We are known as the 6th most dangerous country in the world. Yes, THE WORLD. We are also known for the Allah issue and Bible raid. Does it make sense that we, non-Islamic people doesn't get to use the word Allah along with 30 over other Arabic words? I mean, Allah means God right? So why does it only belong to Islam? Besides, the word itself is not from Malaysia, but from Arab. If other religions in other countries can use it, I don't understand why we can't. Even up till now, the Bibles from the raid has not been returned yet. No efforts were made to investigate Jais. Even faces of pigs have to be censored in newspapers. I am not surprised given how closed minded the leaders or Malaysia are. Everything about Islam, they take too seriously. Even the video Teresa Kok made for CNY - Onederful Malaysia, the Malays take too seriously. You know how Chinese pronounce Malaysia as Ma-lai-si-a? Well, they percieve it as Mal

Let's talk about college! Ain't nothing much to talk about tbh. I guess you could say that since I've just started foundation, it's much easier than secondary school. I mean, eventhough there's exams, quizzes, assignments, and tasks to do, I'm kinda fine with it as long as it isn't too overwhelming. Exams are much better now compared to schooling days where we have to cram 3 years of syllabus into our brains for PMR and likewise, 2 years worth of syllabus for SPM. Now it's just finals at the end of each sem. Even better, there are mids which means the syllabus gets separated into half. On a more serious note though, tests are starting in a few days time. I haven't really studied yet. :d How lazy of me. But I guess that's just how I am. Gonna take a while before I can change my old ways. Anyway, I promise I'll give my 2 cents on Malaysia's political scene the next time I post if at all anybody is reading my blog. Fingers crossed I won'

So... I have absolutely no idea how to use blogger. I'm posting this from my phone using some app I found on Play Store. So anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to say. To me, blogs are just places where people complain or write about their day to NO ONE in particular. I mean how is that satisfying? When you know no one is going to read it, why bother at all? I know some of you might say that what you post is not for them but for yourself personally. I get it that you might think that a blog is somewhat a journal to you but have you ever though of how creepy and evil the world is nowadays? Anyone, anywhere might just stumble on your blog and well, read all your posts and know more about you than your friends probably will. I am, however, somewhat a hypocrite by saying all this on my own blog. Just wanted to prove to you that what I'm saying actually make sense. If you're reading this now and you don't know whose blog this belongs to, well then.. there you have it. :)