Life's Journey with God

I think it's time to move on from PA. It's been a great 14 weeks that helped me to experience and grow so much more than I ever had anywhere else. Also, aside from so many emotional blog posts lately, I think it's time to talk about something more positive. So back when I was in HELP University, I had a subject called Personal Development and Leadership in semester one of foundation in arts. It's amazing how that really helped me to find and understand myself better. There was something I learnt back then that I think everyone should know about too. The 5 languages of love: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. I think it's important to know about yours as well as those of your close ones. So to all my friends, do me a favour and complete this for me: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ In case anyone who is reading this is interested in mine, my primary would be quality time . I have bilingual secondary languag

I need this. I really really need to write this down here now because at this point, the people I want to talk to aren't online and heck am I calling them. Sure people can say results aren't everything but truth be told, it is because after all, all the hard work we've put in is for the marks in the end. This? This right here is the feedback for our performance. While the others obtained this. I'm not saying they don't deserve it. They do. They really do. I really enjoyed all of theirs. It was amazing. What I'm disappointed is how even after putting so much effort, so much hard work, so much blood, sweat and tears, this is what we got. Forget the fact that we got lowest. Forget the fact that there was no bonus mark given. Ah, you know what. In the end, I think it all just comes back to me. I had expectations for my group. I just thought that we could achieve better results. Heck, I believe that we deserve better. No doubt I would say my group has the be

So... if you ask me what would my life in university be like without Performing Arts? I honestly don't know. I can't think of anything better than to be in PA. Through the 14 weeks, I have gained and learnt so many things. Things that could not be obtained anywhere else. The extra boost of confidence and new found passion for the arts is not something that can be gained in classrooms. Patience, hardwork, timeliness, teamwork; all these are values that have been so deeply ingrained in us that have also caused a change in me. Stepping out of my comfort zone, taking bigger roles, having to perform in front of a huge crowd. I don't know if I would've had the courage to do any of these without this elective, this subject. The lecturer I have, Miss Nat, who can also be said to be my mentor and maybe perhaps also friend, is so passionate about her work that she inspires me to be the same - to have this drive in what I do. I have made friends that I never t

Two groups,       two best friends,  two families,      two different experiences. I can never explain how grateful and blessed I am to have the people I have around me. For both Big Big Gaye as well as The Last Hope (a.k.a. Inter-mazing). Sure, while some friends have been lost along the way or at least seem to drift further back, I have gained much more important ones. Friends that I know will last for a lifetime. These are what I call true friends, not temporary friends, not university friends, and most importantly, not superficial friends. Midterm group:  Big Big Gaye [From right: Yen, Jessie, Jai, Hazel] Final showcase group:  The Last Hope [From left: Kalley, Sam, Estella, Adam, Tyll, Michelle, Sab, Jessie, Coan; MIA: Ahmad] I guess I'll never say this enough, this gratitude I have for my pillars of strength, my personal support, my soul sisters. Thank you for keeping me emotionally grounded. Thank you for spending time with me, to share part of yourself with

My friends have been kind enough to pick me up from my house and send me to university for the past few days after the accident. So much gratitude goes out to them. <3 So I kinda composed a song this morning just for fun and because I had the sudden inspiration to do so. It's a pretty short song and I don't know if the melody/tune is any good but I like to use music as a source to pour out my emotions. Either way, if any of you feel like listening to it, it's on my soundcloud. SOUNDCLOUD LINK Lyrics: The sun is shining oh so brightly Take a look outside your window You'll see for yourself Just the day before, I was feeling scared That my life would be taken away from me Now I can see the light again The light the Lord has gratefully provided I want to be a testament of His love, grace and mercy for us, His children.

As I was in the car, milliseconds turn to seconds for me. It was true how people say when you're at the edge of death, you'll experience something else. Before I felt the impact, at that very moment, it was as if time stood still. My car was hit but so many thoughts went through my mind before the impact hit me. Like it honestly amazes me how time can actually stop while my mind is in a whirlwind of rambling thoughts, one, more profoundly than the others is, “I'm screwed". BAM. My car skidded, sounds of glass shattering, hearts thumping, hands shaking... I came down from the car and inspected the damage. It was honestly huge. Like if the other driver didn't dodge, it was sure to hit me right at the side. I think I was more scared for Michelle than myself. Well.. Technically I am scared for myself but not in that sense. I dreaded having to call and face my dad. ._. My car. His car. This is my second time in the police station in 3-4 months. Second time to p

Remember when I said would love to be in the same group as my midterm family for my final showcase? Well, it turns out that didn't happen. The four of them did end up in the same group though. All except me. I prayed to God, knowing that He would know what's best for me no matter what my heart desired at that time. Even when I was being mean, having a list of blacklisted people, I knew now how wrong I was to say that I didn't want to work with some people because truth be told, how much more greater am I to be compared with them? To put them lower than me? Again, all I hope was this person to be in the same group as me. No matter what happens, I had the feeling that if given the opportunity to work with her, it would be alright as long as I have her to lean on. And true enough, by God's grace, He gave me Michelle. For midterms, I prayed silently to be with Yen. This time around, I knew there was a huge chance I won't be able to work with them again so I hoped

So midterms is finally over after getting pushed back so many times. We had such a great time together as a group. Nothing can ever replace our memories together. I realized that God not only blessed me with the person I wanted to work with the most at that time, but also provided me a group of friends that I can now call family. I wouldn't want it any other way. It's true we have amazing chemistry but like any other team, we started off not knowing everyone well enough. Through the time spent together, we created a bond that no one could break. When it was time to say goodbye, it was so hard. To have to split up, not knowing who we will end up with for final showcase, it's definitely harder for us. More so when miss Nat gave us her feedback, saying how good it would be if we could form this chemistry with our new group when five of us split. I would choose the four of you again given the choice. Till we meet again. Hasta La Vista, amigos! ♥

Death. One simple word. How could one word bring so much pain? How do you accept the fact that someone so young, someone that brings so much promise, someone with unlimited future ahead of them, could go so early? I can only pray that as she goes back to the Lord, she would find happiness with her maker and her family will gain peace, strength, and acceptance.

Wow. It's been awhile since I last posted something. My last post was during the last week of semester break. It's hard to imagine that one month has passed by so fast. I'm soon in my week 5 and things are getting more hectic day by day. I guess I've been a bit more chilled this sem as compared to last sem. I even had time to learn how to play Dota 2. Haha.. it's fun when there are friends to play with. :) So I don't know why, but Taylor's made it in such a way that sem 1 focused a lot on exams while sem 2 is all assignment based. What's even more interesting this semester is not the fact that the assignments are very design based, but rather on the choice I made to switch to Performing Arts as my elective at the last minute. I had a lot of fears and insecurities that stopped me for switching out of Illustrative Visual Narrative as my elective. I thought it was a safe choice. I think God really helped me make the decision that day. I had a sudden s

I felt that this message spoke to me. I have drifted away a few times now. Recently, I did feel like I've started to doubt God's presence. My friend asked me if I've ever felt His presence, His love, His touch before. And I did. I realised that I forgot about the times when I actually felt His immense love. I forgot to look back at my life and see that He was always there and still is. There is a praise song by Planetshakers - Nothing Is Impossible which has the lyrics that says: “I'm not going to live by what I see . I'm not going to live by what I feel . Deep down, I know that you're here with me." While I was listening to this song that day while I was driving, this lyrics popped out to me. I've listen this song for so many times now but it was only last week that it actually meant something to me. It became a personal prayer. A message by Redeemed Online: Doubts and questions are pretty normal. In fact, I think they can and should be po

Ask yourselves, young people, about the love of Christ. Acknowledge His voice resounding in the temple of your heart. Return His bright and penetrating glance which opens the paths of your life to the horizons of the Church’s mission. It is a taxing mission, today more than ever, to teach men the truth about themselves, about their end, their destiny, and to show faithful souls the unspeakable riches of the love of Christ. Do not be afraid of the radicalness of His demands, because Jesus, who loved us first, is prepared to give Himself to you, as well as asking of you. If He asks much of you, it is because He knows you can give much. -Saint Pope John Paul II; The Meaning of Vocation I think it is important to remember how God has saved us numerous times by bringing us to a better place. He knows us better than we know ourselves. And because of that, He will only allow us to bear our obstacles, challenges or hardship that we can handle and not an ounce more. He never said that this r

Perhaps some of you may know that recently I've been feeling quite lost in terms of direction in life. Mainly about my confusion on how best to serve God and so, which ministry should I choose and which should I let go of. I prayed to God to help me find some sort of clarity or answer during the 3 days of second training camp. I really needed it, honestly. I didn't realize that I've started doubting God until then. So often I felt like I was on the right track, doing the right thing but I never realize that what I felt, or rather, what I hadn't felt, was actually pulling me away from God. I think I started believing that being unable to feel His presence meant that I'm drifting further away from Him and that He was ignoring me. I guess I didn't realize what I was doing to myself. I let all the doubts and confusion consume me instead of trusting in Him and putting everything into His hands. What really touched me during the whole camp was the group prayer we

When you look back at your life, what do you see? Pride? Happiness? Regret? Sadness? I think life is something all of us should treasure. Live like everyday is our last. Appreciate everyone in our lives, every encounter we have, everywhere we go, everything we do. Because what is life when you don't take happiness in the little things that happen, that goes by? Worry not about tomorrow, not about yesterday, but today for today brings enough worry and woes on its own. Just take it one step at a time. If something doesn't work, it's okay to take two steps front, and one step back. Not everything is going to be a smooth ride. In fact, nothing is ever straightforward.

I think an update post is long due. So basically, finals came and went. Stress came and went. Highlight of it was the study sleepover session at Yen's place. :) I think to me that wasn't only productive for our revisions, but also on our friendship. The 5 days together helped us to get to know each other better and be greater friends to one another. Long story short, finals was great. It was surprisingly (okay, well, not so surprising considering the amount of tips that was given) easy save for Antoon's paper which no one could actually prepare for. All I can do now is to hope for the best as I've done my best. Everything is in the hands of the Father now. Moving on, I started off my semester break with a camp - MCCSD (Malaysian Catholic Campus Student's Day). I've known about this camp since the beginning of the year and have been wanting to go for it. Unfortunately, when the time came for registration, my finals timetable was not out yet so I thought, with a

I think as humans, we're so easily caught up with the hustle and bustle of life that we tend to forget how to truly be the best version of ourselves. Sure, success and money is important. But would you actually drop so low and start doing all kinds of trickery, and backstabbing just to obtain a promotion? Why go to such lengths? If you're competent and hardworking enough, you will be rewarded. Maybe you would beg to differ, being under that strict boss of yours. No matter. You know that you've done your level best. Our Father in heaven would reward us in ways you can never imagine. I was studying and decided to take a break to write this blog post because I got an inspiration to write after reading this quote: Knowledge isn't as important if you have no heart, won't lend a listening ear to others, and unwilling to help others. If only everyone could follow Cinderella's mantra - have courage and be kind - the world would be a much better place.

So apparently, I always seem to end up wanting to be closer friends with people who may not be my close friends or even in the same clique. Back in high school, I've always looked up to Carmen and even until now, I think she's a great person who has great personality. As much as I do, I just can't seem to connect and have things to talk about when I see her. Sigh. Then comes college. I have this really amazing friend, Xueh Wei, who is involved with so many things at once I don't even know how she handles it. Again, although not as bad, I feel like our friendship could have been better and stronger. But, in the one year span, I've really got to know her better and become a better friend to her (I hope). So this doesn't really count, actually. Moving on, in BRATs camp, I met this really smart and awesome friend, Sara, who gave me a really great first impression because of TWCS (smart girl~). Throughout the full 4 days there in Ipoh, we really bonded, and being

So, recently, I've been told by my sister about how Anne Hathaway (and her family) left the Catholic Church to join the Episcopalian Church because of her brother that came out of the closet. Previously, she had even thought of becoming a nun but decided not to because she couldn't devote her life to a religion that does not permit homosexual acts ( http://www.contactmusic.com/anne-hathaway/news/hathaway-dreamed-of-being-a-nun_1007990 ). Below is an excerpt from an interview about her views on this: Resource: Interview by Terry Gross http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/12/01/anne-hathaway-explains-why-she-left-the-catholic-church/ I would say that she got her facts wrong. I mean if she truly understood the Church's teaching on homosexuality, it wouldn't really affect her faith even if her brother has same-sex attraction. You see, we do not hate on homosexuals. In fact, we are called to love them just as equal as everyone else. We are all a child o

So for a few months now, the prospect of joining the religious life has been on my mind. I mean for all that matters, I am really just open to any vocation God calls me to follow. There is no particular vocation which I'm more swayed towards to, be it single life, marriage, of religious life. It's all a very neutral feeling. It's hard though, to actually figure out what God's plans are for us. It is not an easy task. It is not an overnight thing where you ask God to tell you what He wants you to do and the next day, BAM, there you go – you realize what you're supposed to do all this while. No. It doesn't work that way. If only it was this simple. As we all know, God works in mysterious ways. Discernment is a long process that often lasts for years. We need to first have a relationship with him. Praying and having a community is important. As Sr. Jane (one of the senior FMM nuns) shared, discernment is not an individual journey but one that we take with others.

Heyy, guys. So I know I haven't been updating my blog for quite some time already. I've been busy, to say the least. So many things going on with so many responsibilities and commitments. But still, always always make time for God. That is what I have learnt throughout my journey of faith. When we learn to put Him first, He will put the other things in our lives into perspective. He will make a way for all of us as long as we fully trust in Him. Jesus would risk His life for us to be saved and to gain eternity. When all our thoughts and acts are focused on God, we would ultimately find ourselves in a place no one else could take us. When we know God, we know ourselves. And so, it is important to find/search for our identity in Him for He is always the way, the truth, and the life. Having knowledge and insights on theology of the body (ToB) by Pope John Paul II has really given me that understanding about what our bodies are created for, deeper clarity on the Church's te

So.. What have I been doing in the last few months between completing my foundation in December and continuing my degree in March? I actually went to search for part-time jobs. I initially worked at Ah Cheng Laksa for just a day before working at Sri Tanjong. After that, I got sent to Taman Sea's bookshop for a month plus too! It was both great and weird at the same time to see my friends and juniors there. Either way, working at a bookshop (a school one, at that) was an experience that was rather bland and boring. I shall now fast forward to the days after Chinese New Year where I officially stopped working. During that time, it was (and still is, at the point of writing this) the Lent season. I figured why not I just go and help out at the soup kitchen which is handled by the AOHD (Archdiocese of Human Development). My friend, Su, was the one who told me about it and teman-ed me there for the first trip/day. Since then, I've been going there on Tuesdays and Thursdays almo

So whaddup again, guys! Guess what?! :D Through the glory of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I managed to pass both the circuit and on the road test! WHOOOO! I'm feeling so ecstatic now. I'm just so glad it's done and over with. :P My circuit (Bhg 2) exam went quite well. However, I must note that the car was really old and the gear and clutch didn't really work properly. I was so terrified I might ter-press the wrong thing or go too fast or mati engine. The passing mark for it is 56/70. My road test (Bhg 3) was a close call. As the passing mark is 64/80, I only managed to get 65. I lost a lot of marks mainly because of the RSM (Rutin Sebelum Memandu). I shall elaborate on that below. This is a list of the things you need to do for RPK (external car check) and RSM (internal car check). I actually memorized all of it but somehow, every time I get into the car, my mind goes blank. I mean it's different in exams because you get to take your time to answ

It's somewhat a daunting task to take on knowing full well that I may fail even just because of a few millimeters. As I write to you at this moment, I'm still lazing around calming my nerves. I'll soon leave for the driving center soon. My hopes for this is to really do my best and not allow myself to make a single mistake. I really just want to pass it in one go because even the thought of retaking the exam seems bland to me. I mean having to go through all that jitters, that preparation a few months later (I heard news that we would have to wait for quite sometime to retake our road test) again? Sorry bro, but I ain't gonna let it get to that point. I'll let you know the results at the end of today. As for now, I guess what you could do for me is to pray. God is a major factor in succeeding in everything I do. It is He who takes away my fears in replace of confidence, nervousness for calmness.. He is my pillar of strength, my anchor, my light. In times when I may

So, here we are again, starting a new Lenten season yet again. :) What makes this year's Ash Wednesday so different? Hmm.. I guess it could be because of a few reasons namely: 1) It falls on the eve of Chinese New Year so that means fasting and abstaining even if we have reunion dinner or lunch to attend. I think it really gave me that extra push this year to really follow through and not touch a single food right till dinner. That goes to say, that includes the whole CNY period - not touching meat at all (the duck, roasted pork, bakwa, MEAT basically). Whooo! I really feel pumped up to do this! 2) I finally felt like I understood God's teaching on a deeper level after a camp I went for earlier this year. For many years now, I haven't completely been really close to the big man up there. Somehow, even as I went for camps, spiritual seminars, talks, and even Sunday School, the knowledge and understanding I got from all those hasn't really caused me to reflect on myse

Lord, there have been countless times where I have said that I wanted to lift everything up to you. I have always been saying yes, to lifting my life up into Your hands, to opening my heart for You to come into my life, to be totally Yours to use so that I may be your instrument. But YET, I found myself today unable to take that leap of faith, to come out of my comfort zone EVEN after listening to a talk about it. I do not know whether it was my fears that locked me into place, not allowing me to stand up, let go, and let God, or just me that is unwilling to change (though I doubt the latter because I know I have changed even just a little bit). I do know that this has really made me feel like I've let God down. So many times have I ask God to work His ways with my life. I know I trust Him to do so. So why do I find myself always stepping back away from His callings when He actually does reach out to me? In 2012, when I was finally chosen to be in the Outreach Team for Rally, I w

After going for the STWG (Straight Talk With Girls) camp organized by ASAYO, it really dawned on me that I often do not rely on God. Instead, I take matters into my own hands if I am capable of doing so. He is always there, waiting for me to reach out for Him and yet I often do not. Only in times of hardships and confusion do I seek Him. It is through this camp that I promise to myself and God that I will change anew. I will be a better person, both spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Talking about the camp, it was really unlike any other I've been to. It had much more interesting, real, and relatable sessions. Hearing all the testimonies from the facilitators really got me thinking how great and awesomely loving He is. Through all the brokenness of those that shared, He has done tremendous things in their lives. Like one of them said, it only takes one YES to God for your whole life to change 360°. It really is amazing how God takes those who are broken and made them into